The five stages of grief by psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross have long been acknowledged by the general public and considered to be regarded a blueprint for navigating the tumultuous journey of loss. These stages include denial, anger, bargaining, depression and eventually acceptance can take place in any order and last any given amount of time.
But what happens when one (finally) comes to terms with “acceptance”, then what? Accepting that a situation has happened doesn’t always provide the will to carry or move on. Often, we cling to our grief as a final line of connection to our loved ones who have passed on. There has to be a reason, or a PURPOSE, for us to eventually want to move forward. World renowned grief expert David Kessler coins this 6th stage as Meaning.
The Five Stages of Grief
- Denial: The initial shock of loss often prompts a state of disbelief, where the mind struggles to accept the harsh reality of what has occurred.
- Anger: As reality sets in, intense emotions can surface, manifesting as anger directed towards oneself, others, or even the deceased.
- Bargaining: In an attempt to regain a sense of control, individuals may engage in bargaining, bargaining with a higher power, or attempting to negotiate a different outcome.
- Depression: The weight of grief can lead to profound sadness and despair as one grapples with the magnitude of their loss.
- Acceptance: Gradually, acceptance may emerge, allowing individuals to come to terms with their new reality and integrate the loss into their lives.
The Sixth Stage: Purpose
While acceptance marks a significant milestone in the grieving process, it does not necessarily signify the endpoint of emotional healing. The quest for purpose or meaning represents a deeper exploration of the profound existential questions that loss inevitably raises.
Finding Purpose
In the search for Purpose, this often involves reflecting on the impact of the deceased and the enduring legacy they leave behind. Grief overwhelms us with sadness, anger, confusion, guilt, disbelief, and numbness along with symptoms of fatigue, depression, loss of appetite, difficulty sleeping or real physical pain.
Purpose, the 6th stage, encourages reorganization or reconstruction of our situation.
Beginning Reconstruction
1. Find meaning in your loss: Try to reflect on how you can honor the memory of the animal or person you’ve lost.
2. Look for ways to give back: Look for ways to give back to your community or volunteer with organizations that align with your values. Helping others can be healing and rewarding.
3. Discovering new passions: Losing a loved one can force us to re-examine our priorities and goals. It can also create space for new experiences and opportunities.
Transformative Growth
Moreover, the pursuit of Purpose can catalyze transformative growth, empowering individuals to derive purpose from their pain and channel their grief into constructive action. Whether through advocacy, creative expression, or acts of kindness, many find solace in honoring their loved one’s memory through meaningful contributions to the world.
Embracing Ambiguity
It’s important to acknowledge that finding Purpose is not a linear process but rather a complex and deeply personal journey. It may involve grappling with ambiguity, confronting difficult truths and embracing life’s inherent uncertainties.
Grief is a Journey
In navigating the complexity of grief, it becomes evident that the human spirit possesses a remarkable capacity for resilience and renewal. While the five stages of grief provide a valuable framework for understanding the emotional terrain of loss, this addition of a sixth stage reminds us that healing extends beyond mere acceptance.
By embracing the journey of purpose or meaning, individuals can transform grief into a catalyst for personal growth and the enduring legacy of love. In honoring the memory of those we have lost, we embark on a journey of self-discovery, compassion and ultimately – profound meaning of what our Purpose is or shall be.
